Lakka takes a break between parties at No. 10 to bring you the latest match report.
Autumn internationals, weddings, Christmas parties, Christmas meals, cheese and crackers (not business meetings… well at least last year anyway), Omnicron (Megatron, starscream, bumblebee and the rest), Thames ditton….
The list goes on. It has been certainly been a while since Eddy Ben Arous played for the opposition and left Benjamin Tailz reaching with both arms up for a messiah (basically his attempted tackle) when Merton turned up to Tolowrth Arms park (in what seems like months ago). Up until now Racal Decca have played against Donny’s territorial support group national 1’s @ Imber court sports ground (where Eddy scored the only try) and more recently Guildford Rugby club.
Some of the players taking to the field today have not played in over two months…. But there have been games in days gone past where Racal Decca have turned up with 12 and beaten a squad of 19…. (those days unfortunately were not today).
Racal Decca boasted an extremely strong squad 10mins before kick off (strong when King Cole and Morgz the calf finally turned up after having a tour of Balmoral Castle)…. Bohle (the Kent ripper) also joined the fray late after receiving a call from German Larz an hour before kick off.
Racal Decca were first to get on the score sheet in Farncombe (Or Godalming depending on how you read and spell the domesday book)… Benjamin Tailz scored a wonderful try after a succession of pick and go’s…. Holmes and Watson planted an imperious conversion…. (this was only just the start of his kicking exploits)
Guildford rugby club wouldn’t take this lying down and never took a backward step. Their dangerous flyhalf and centre partnership were causing insurmountable heartache (like when she tells you the offspring isn’t yours, and she’s leaving you for him because you don’t spend enough time with her with your 4 jobs including moonlighting as a bus driver– to bloody support the kid).
Racal Decca fronted up well in the scrums against a team that clearly trains at least once a week in the autumn and winter months. Theo Paphitis and newly wed Bohle made up the newest second row combination… backed up by Bo-Jangles, Eddy Ben Arous, and the welsh hazard in the front row…. Tokyo Al, Morgz the calf and Benjamin Tailz in the backrow.
Guildfordians had too much quality in their back division…. Their candidates for love Island (their flyhalf and inside centre) were causing as much distress to Racal Decca’s backline as Carrie’s mental health with the emergence of Boris Johnson’s 8th potential love child.
Guildfordians ran at least another 4 tries before the first half concluded. A mixture of innovation, throwing caution to the wind, and the need to be home by 3pm to watch the remaining of the Heineken cup fixtures made lightwork of Decca’s overly stretched defense.
Changes in the backline meant Tackles everything – fix it Wren moved to flyhalf, Molski moved to scrum half and Morgz the calf to the wing… whilst chip kick quince went off nursing an injury
Racal Decca were not to captialise on their second half resurgence. Line speed, resourcing the break down, an indecisive referee, and intercepts, plagued the men from Tolworth in the second half, like a rat infestation on the top floor of Tolworth towers. The odd occasional line break from King Cole, Bohle, Eddy and Hazard was quickly thwarted as the Farncombe faithful made sure to compete at every breakdown.
Accurate passing (as well as kicking and tackling) appeared to be somewhat optional….. On this blissful early afternoon on beautiful green pastures of Surrey landscape (midway to the industrial heartland of Fratton) . With Holmes and Watson off the field, kicking duties fell to Lakka, and he held himself with distinction….. Until a kick off to restart went 20 metres backwards (gale force winds and that).
The usual imperious Tokyo Alan picked up on the back of a scrum to attack down the blindside…. He nearly got held up, until he offloaded to an unrushing molly (who was now playing scrum half), but this was unfortunately intercepted by Guildford’s winger who ran in unopposed from the defensive 22.
Although momentum very much was swinging to Racal Decca’s favour in the second half, they just couldn’t capitalize much against a well oiled, beach blonde, fake tan, brilliant Guildfordians. The game finished with Holmes and Watson returning to the fray and practicing his grubber kicks……. without the ball, and with opposition bodily parts.
All being said, it was a tough day in the office with many of us not having played much rugby in the last 2 months.
Racal Decca welcome Guildford in the new year at the Tolworth Arms Park in the new year.
Racal Decca Team: 15; – German Larz, 14; – King Cole, 13; – Ricky Ross (Whitelock), 12; – Molski, 11; Tackle your mother – Fix it Wren – 10; – Holmes & Watson, 1; Eddy Ben Arous – 2; – The Welsh Hazard, 3; – Bo-Jangles 4 (Luke); – Sam Taylor 5; Newly wed Paul 5; Dragons Den – 6; – , 7; – Benjamin Tailz, 8; – British Sea Harrier (Interceptor jet) Alan, 9;- Chip Kick Quince
Tries: Benjamin Tailz
Conversions: Holmes and Watson
Head Coach and Director of Rugby: Matty Taylor
Next game: TBC (please confirm availability)