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The only T they get from Racal Decca is one for the walk of shame the next day (Earl grey, or a casual top?)

Lakka regales us with a few moments from the Met police game.

In a slightly strange fixture where tries were scored pretty much every minute. It is nigh impossible to write a cohesive match report (I use cohesive delicately here). So here is a selection of “moments” in the game, carefully curated with original spiced gold.

Please note, some things did happen, some things didn’t happen, but they probably did (hence their inclusion in the list below):

  • Deji Eddy trying to decapitate Sam on his return
  • Scrum half chip kick quince being found almost exclusively on the wing
  • Chip kick quince attempting to clear his lines, but skewed the kick so bad it actually ended up being a cross kick to Swedish Larz, who fed Fix it Wren for a score
  • Pin point precision from Galliard Holmes on the kick offs
  • King Cole’s hot stepping…. Something that wouldn’t be out of place on a dancefloor in Bacchus or one of those places where you can find dancing arcade games
  • Chip kick Quince sensational feet and try on the wing…. Sending many a provocateur or two to the shops (and asking for a receipt)
  • Navy Steve Steve on his return to rugby and scoring a try that Francesco Schettino would be proud of (google it)
  • Galliard arguing with the ref when a try had been scored, galliard continuing the indiscretions, galliard then having a kick off reversed to a penalty for Decca (all part of the plan one would say)
  • King Cole missing a guilt edge intercept… Leaving Navy Steve and Rick Ross trying to catch Deji Eddy…. They didn’t and he scored
  • Samwell picking up a lose kick and drawing the defender to put in Rick Ross for a beautiful try with some beautiful hands
  • Powerful runners of the day: Morgz the calf, Benjamin Tailz, Ricky Ross, Both Met Police fellas, Old Freemans 1 (Paulie)
  • Hot Steppers of the day: Galliard Holmes, Chip kick Quince, Fix it Wren and King Cole
  • Selling dummies (2 for a pound): Samwell T, Father Phelan Jnr,
  • Ruck (and dark arts specialists): Ripper and Benjamin Tailz,
  • Most penalties given away: Ripper and Benjamin Tailz
  • Benjamin Tailz playing like today was a cup final @ Twickenham
  • Sniping runs from Galliard from scrum half during scrums
  • MetPolice targeting Father Phelan Jnr’s ankles for their tries…. centimetres out from the try line
  • Fix-it Wren tackling like someone stole his lunch money
  • Galliard putting money on German Larz’ head, but the ball (bullet) ending up hitting Samwell
  • MetPolice calling for back up from the territorial support group……. and only one person arriving with 5mins left….. (Yes, this does also include Donny….) “Territorial Support Group (TSG) is a Met Operations unit of London’s Metropolitan Police Service (MPS). Commonly referred to as “The Muscle of the Met”, it specialises in public order policing, amongst other specialist areas.” – not camaraderie then.
  • MetPolice winning their line outs
  • Father Phelan Jnr sensual ball handling and passing
  • Larz arguing that the extra sub shouldn’t be brought on to make the teams uneven (with 5mins remaining)… Rationale and common sense were the winners in that schism

In rainy conditions for the whole match, the handling wasn’t as bad as what could have been. A shame we couldn’t contest a proper 15s game… However an equally as good outcome was achieved by all that attended.

Try scores: I think each player pretty much from both sides of the paddock
Head Coach and Director of Rugby: Matthew Taylor
Location: Tolworth Arms Park (Thank you to our supporters who braved the conditions)
Next Game: TBC
Final Score…. Racal Decca 15 X 10 Metropolitan Police

Racal Decca 9: Napoléon La Larz, Old Freemans Paul, MetPolice 1, Father Phelan Junior, (The Kent) Ripper, 2Step steady Eddy, Chip-Kick Quince, Fix it Wren, Benjamin Tailz

(She won’t quit) Cressida Dick’s Met Police 9: Galliard Holmes, MetPolice 2, Morgz the calf, Old Freemans 2, Samwell Tarly (wanting 10mins at the end, but making a competitive return to rugby since knee surgery), Cole (side of the pillow), Navy Steve Steve, Rick Ross (Whitlock)
Sub: Metpolice 3 (Busy trying to quell “insulate Britain”, came on for a cameo appearance 5minutes from time)