“I know I know… It’s late, it’s shit, and not even a report… But something is better than nothing. ” – Lakka

“Tolworth, England, January… The weather…. grey… the rain…. Thick”

Racal Decca director of Rugby Matty Taylor praised the teams ambition and determination to grind
out a long elusive win at home at the Tolworth Arms Park.

Our resident reporter is currently balloting for a strike for improvement in pay and conditions with
the associate press of the writers guild…. So please accept a selection of key events from the match
against Teddington…

• If you were to bet your house on someone scoring a try from 5m out… You would probably have put the mortgage and your first born on big Matt…. Think again as he knocked on (when scoring would have been easier – considering his opposition was about 4 foot)
• Ross is no longer stylized as Ricky Ross… He is now Manu Tuilagi-ROSS… The festive season has not put a dent in his ability to get over the gain line… Giving a new meaning to the “crash ball specialist”.
• Ben Taylor getting a yellow card for a number of transgressions…. Here’s just a few
  1. High tackle when the player was on the floor (go figure)
  2. Kicking the ball through a ruck (no longer allowed to do this, and has been in place for at least 6 years)
  3. Entering the ruck through the side
  4. Dissent on two occasions
  5. Wanting to go home after receiving his yellow card
  6. Not releasing the player
• Woody telling the his opposition to sit down… then proceeding to make his opposition sit down (he hasn’t done that in a decade, so had a smile and looked over to the sidelines when he did it – a proud moment)
• Big Matt knocking on again
• Spanish Jorge collecting a cross kick from the heavens (as if he was reaching out to the messiah himself)…. Although Stoneleigh George was clear through to the try line he refused to run closer to the sticks and carried on running straight… (no opposition was near him for a furlong) – note debut Racal Decca try too !!
• Old P’s back three electing to run and refusing to kick…. After the 19 th time of being turned over in our 22 (without support), it became comical when even Teddington players were telling them to kick the ball back
• Ben getting a try from a rolling off a rolling maul then looking at the referee as if to say “yeah mate, me again”
• Referee missing a clear knock that led to their try and being honest about it
• Strodenheisen demonstrating his baby carrying skills by carrying half of the Teddington pack on his back
• The knock off version of Ben on the opposition team (who also got himself a yellow card). Brothers separated at birth
• YoungBoy Thomas getting his debut try with a wonderful two on one in the corner – debut try and a proud moment for his parents – Note debut Racal Decca try
• Woody taking a rather ambitious penalty attempt
• Woody also taking the points late 78 th minute (when the prospect of a Racal Decca loss wasn’t achievable)… Woody took 45 seconds standing around…. 5 seconds to take the kick, actually took the kick and missed. Proper game management if ever I saw one.
• Dominant scrums
• Quincey taking is mandatory 10mins to help slow down the game when it was in the balance. Gamesmanship (or lack of) at its finest
• Theo unfortunately only lasting the first 15 with a recurring injury ☹
• Fix-it Wren making the flyhalf shirt his, with another stella performance…. Even going as far as saying that “You old boys can play flyhalf, only when I am not around” mic dropped and exited the changing room after fulltime.
• Eddy also taking a mandatory rest on top of a player after being pinged for a high tackle…
• The opposition clearly incensed, but the reassuring words of “calm down” from Eddy (whilst remaining on top) did little to avert frustrations
• Bojangles playing like the Teddington team came to his house for dinner, and what they really came over for, was to kick his kitten (all 17 of them), then leave. Basically Luke wasn’t a very happy person and made sure retribution was “manifested by an approach agent” him… Very very strong showing from the loose forward

Racal Decca: 15; – OP Tom, 14; – Spanish George, 13; – OP, 12; – Manu Ross,
11; – Youngboy Thomas (Reland’s son), 10; – Fix-it Wren 9;- Chip kick Quince

1; German Larz – 2; – Woody, 3; – Bojangles (Luke), 4; – Father
Stroudenheisen 5; Theodore- 6; – Lights our JNR, 7; – Benjamin
Tailz, 8; – Big Matt

Subs: Deji Eduardo Eddy (when he eventually turned up), OP Geezer
Tries: OP, Benjamin Tailz, YoungBoy Thomas, Spanish (Stoneleigh) George,
Conversions: Woody x 3

Finally, big shout out to family and friends on the sideline in horrible conditions!! Massively
appreciated…. Stroudy on his new born, OPs who helped us out, Teddington for coming down,
Woody on 20+ years, and RDRFC anniversary